|Season 3, Episode 12 #38|
|Air date||May 13, 2001.|
|Written by|| Frank Renzulli|
|Directed by||Tim Van Patten|
"Army of One"
Carmela Soprano meets Meadow in an art museum when Carmela begins spotting blood. She asks her for a tampon and excuses herself to go to the Ladies' Room, then returns to find Meadow looking at paintings. Carmela is brought to tears when she sees Jusepe de Ribera's The Mystical Marriage of Saint Catherine of Alexandria. Later, while watching a commercial on television, Carmela begins to sob but quickly regains her composure when she realizes it is only a commercial for Pedigree dog food. She later takes confession with a priest who is pursuing a doctorate degree in psychology. Carmela tells the priest that she is worried that she has ovarian cancer and of her encounter with Dr. Krakower. The priest asks Carmela if she loves Tony, to which she replies, "I do". He then advises her not to leave him but to help him grow, to be more loving to him, and to "live on the good and forgo the bad". Over lunch with the other mob wives, Carmela tells them she has a clean bill of health and that she was worried she was pregnant, but it turned out to be a thyroid problem. Rosalie Aprile tells them that they should all admireHillary Clinton, not for her personality but for the way she handled herself when Bill Clinton admitted his affair, which included her ultimately "setting up her own thing". Carmela believes that this is true and that "she should be a role model to all of us".
Tony continues to see Gloria Trillo, even as her erratic behavior continues. She apologizes to him in the parking lot of Jennifer Melfi's office, but Tony reminds her that if she were a guy "I wouldn't have to tell you where you would be right now." Gloria apologizes and wants the relationship to work but Tony needs time to think. When he tells Dr. Melfi about his passionate love-and-hate relationship with Gloria, she dubs it "Amour Fou" - crazy love. Melfi then tells Tony that Gloria did love him. Tony decides to give the relationship another chance but when Gloria blows up at Tony when her tires get slashed, and he finds out that she drove Carmela home from Globe Motors after Carmela dropped off her Mercedes-Benz station wagon for service (and later called Carmela), he calls the relationship off permanently. During a heated argument with Gloria, he slaps her and she mockingly says, "Poor you", and that she should "...sit back like a mute". These are phrases that Livia used to say to Tony, and he suddenly realizes that she is a lot like his mother ("I've known you my whole fucking life"). Gloria also derides Carmela as a "goombah housewife" who puts up with anything in exchange for a big "gaudy" ring. When he goes for the door, Gloria threatens to tell Carmela about the affair if he leaves. Enraged, he attacks her, upending her dining room table and throwing her across the room. The fight continues and he begins to choke her. She begs him to kill her but he leaves instead.
Jackie Aprile, Jr. and his friend Dino Zerilli want to get ahead in life and become more than mere associates. After hearing Ralph Cifaretto's story of how Tony and Jackie Aprile, Sr. got on the fast track to getting made after robbing "Feech" La Manna's Saturday night card game, the two later spontaneously decide do the same during Eugene Pontecorvo's game, asking Carlo Renzi to join them, because he has a shotgun. Arriving at the spot, Jackie hesitates and tries to back out, even though he was the one who initiated the idea. But Dino convinces him to go through with it "before the crank wears off." The three don ski masks and enter the Aprile crew hangout where the poker game is taking place, but are alarmed when the players include some familiar faces: Christopher Moltisanti, Furio Giunta, and Ally Boy Barese. Carlo and Dino demand that the players give them their money and to be quiet while Jackie stays silent for fear his voice will be recognized. The dealer, "Sunshine", keeps heckling the would-be robbers and is shot and killed by a panicking Jackie. As the mobsters draw guns, a firefight breaks out: Furio is shot in the thigh by Jackie, and Christopher shoots Carlo in the forehead, killing him instantly. Matush, who is Jackie's getaway driver, abandons the robbers as soon as he hears the gunshots, and when Jackie and Dino flee into the street, Jackie resorts to carjacking a passing vehicle, deserting Dino, who is caught and executed by Ally Boy and Christopher. Furio is rushed to the office of Dr. Fried, a urologist, for a clandestine emergency operation. In the waiting room, Christopher warns Tony that he knows Jackie Jr. was the escaped robber and that he has to be killed. However, Tony seems troubled, due to his long history with Jackie Jr.'s father.
At the pork store the following morning, Ralphie meets Tony to discuss the fate of Jackie, Jr. Ralphie wants to give him a "pass" because of Ralph's relationship with Jackie's mother, Rosalie, but because of what happened with Furio and Sunshine he cannot easily let it go. Tony tells Ralphie that since Pontecorvo is a member of Ralphie's crew, and it was his game, it is his decision, but to make sure that it is the right one, and that he will understand if Ralphie gives Jackie a pass. However, Tony hints to Ralphie that if he does give Jackie a pass, he may lose the respect of the other captains and Tony himself, but advises him not to be concerned about what they think. Ralphie later tells a sobbing Rosalie that Jackie probably went to Florida, and that he has a substance abuse problem, which deeply upsets her.
Patsy Parisi is then shown taking a test drive with Gloria in a Mercedes-Benz. He pulls over in an isolated area and threatens her with a gun, telling her in not so many words, to stay away from Tony or they would be "scraping [her] nipples off these fine leather seats". He then gets into his Cadillac, which was already parked at the scene, leaving her stunned and shaking in the test car. Patsy is later shown having a mundane conversation on his cell phone about groceries, and driving off uneventfully in his car.
- Rosalie Aprile talks about Bill Clinton's affair with Monica Lewinsky, and refers him as the 'President of the USA', although this episode was released during the Bush adminstration, it may be because it was shot before Bush's swearing